Note and Explanation: The following is a snippet from my journal, and because it's from there, the chances of it making sense are very low. A forewarning, there will be a lot of run-on sentences and things that may provoke you to ask if I was high while writing, but don't fear. This is just a glimpse at what I'm really thinking a good 70% of the time, and you'll probably look at me funny afterwards.
Note #2: The point in posting these is so I can look back at my inner thoughts during my teen years. Think of this as a experiment. After all, who doesn't want to look back and see how stupid they really were? Haha! This particular piece was written roughly around 3:15am after I marathoned Doctor Who. I also would like to note that I sound like a angry drunk during this one. A angry drunk who likes to use extravagant words far to much and is overly melodramatic. Perfection in it's prime.
"--There comes a point when enough is enough. When "what did I do?" no longer stands as a innocent question and becomes a statement of ignorance instead.
Pity is not a suitable reason to continue doing something that makes you suffer. Hope, if you can call it that, eventually has to give way to the undeniable truth.
When someone bothers you, and I mean really bothers you, there comes a point when it has to stop. No matter how bad the consequences may get, or no matter how much pseudo 'trust' you place in them, things need to disperse.
When you look at the situation and realize that you've heard the words you're saying and remember that someone else has said them to you before. When you realize that the person patronizing you, and how you feel, is nothing new. When you realize that all along, this is the game you've played. Roles reversed.
Maturity is when you can no longer use the word as a noun for boasting.
The walls break and you know and realize the faults you've done and seen, the faults you've been delivered and the faults you've had to fix for other people. The faults you've had to apologize for voicing concern over, and the absolute arrogance a brat has to tell you otherwise.
The sheer arrogance alone stands for a disperse. The sheer ignorance some people have towards others...
Anger is a ugly thing. Something that a lot of people bury and deter and try to sway until it fades back again. But when someone, someone your at fault for keeping around, scratches against the wall you've built and whines until it's fallen, then a stand has to be taken.
An island. Shrouded and shielded by oceans of nothing.
Isolated. That's where you go.
That, is where you flee after the great fight. That, will either be your undoing, or the moment you turn to ash.
Being alive doesn't depend on whether your walking and talking. It's all in your head. Fantasy, history, theory, question... These are the things that keep you running, aren't they?
Life on Earth is powered by different forms of energy. One of the greatest sources is the sun, isn't it?
Funny.
Bitterness. That's another thing that keeps you running. Another core thing that floats around in that vacant head of yours. What else is there? Hmm? Stories, definitely. They're one of the only reasons we're here today. And her, of course.
It's therapeutic, talking to yourself. Most people don't realize how strangely intriguing it can be. For example, the last few paragraphs. Stupid.
I'm bored. Always. It's a dull feeling, but every once and awhile it fades and I get a few moments of enjoyment. Still angry though. I'm always angry. Always primed for a fight, after all, all that un-solved melodrama has to have some use."
Monday, June 4, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Journal Snippet: Writer's World
Note and Explanation: The following is a snippet from my journal, and because it's from there, the chances of it making sense are very low. A forewarning, there will be a lot of run-on sentences and things that may provoke you to ask if I was high while writing, but don't fear. This is just a glimpse at what I'm really thinking a good 70% of the time, and you'll probably look at me funny afterwards.
Dear Journal,
detail is one of my favorite things. they're what makes something interesting, what can change a idea into something completely different and show it in a light that could completely change the way it's not only viewed, but is.
sometimes all you have to do is look at something in a way that varies from your own and a whole new world is revealed. a whole new palet of colors that light up a canvas into new tastes and textures, and has the potential to redefine the way something has been wired to do.
detail, thought and colors are some of life's greatest things. they shape our world into something completely different and it's beautiful in a way that most things could never hope to achieve.
the canvas of life and nature come in many colors and shades even though some people like to believe that it's all black and white. there are so many ways things can be looked at that it's almost arrognat to think that there can only be a certain way to see things, and that your view is correct.
thought and imagination comes across as certain colors in my mind, different swirls and shapes that can be redefined and woven into stories and pseudo lives that can give people the same life essence then if they were the characters themselves.
detail apon detail layered into a carefully woven story or painting filled with colors and shadows and the omnipotent beings that hover it their wake.
how different things are and how effective those colors and thoughts and worlds can be are what details make up. the tiny yet beautiful way things are stringed along and how in moments of distraction how smothering how lives can seemed compared to the bliss that other people live.
a writer's world can be shattered and rebuilt a hundred times over with details removed and added with a flick of our fingers and a change of palet. the gritty green of a grape in a italian wine grove can change into a coffee on a rainy day in a shop located in downtown new york with a single train of thought.
moods and colors, textures and life can be breathed into the harshest stories. even those surrounding death can paint the canvas with dark blue despair and white pain.
the most devine thing a writer can experience is when the line between our canvas and the grey of our own world blurs and the cavas and palet we've used to forge a world with becomes a part of our own in a slash of colors and feelings that never fade. the thrill of adventure we get while writing our characters, our silent friends, running across rooftops or fighting off their foes.
the feeling of immersion and importance it brings is almost addictive in the way it allures us across the line and our world flies by with the words we write or draw.
how devious are we that we could create our own masterpeices and be overtaken by them? it's a question left unanswered, because in the end, why would we care?
Dear Journal,
detail is one of my favorite things. they're what makes something interesting, what can change a idea into something completely different and show it in a light that could completely change the way it's not only viewed, but is.
sometimes all you have to do is look at something in a way that varies from your own and a whole new world is revealed. a whole new palet of colors that light up a canvas into new tastes and textures, and has the potential to redefine the way something has been wired to do.
detail, thought and colors are some of life's greatest things. they shape our world into something completely different and it's beautiful in a way that most things could never hope to achieve.
the canvas of life and nature come in many colors and shades even though some people like to believe that it's all black and white. there are so many ways things can be looked at that it's almost arrognat to think that there can only be a certain way to see things, and that your view is correct.
thought and imagination comes across as certain colors in my mind, different swirls and shapes that can be redefined and woven into stories and pseudo lives that can give people the same life essence then if they were the characters themselves.
detail apon detail layered into a carefully woven story or painting filled with colors and shadows and the omnipotent beings that hover it their wake.
how different things are and how effective those colors and thoughts and worlds can be are what details make up. the tiny yet beautiful way things are stringed along and how in moments of distraction how smothering how lives can seemed compared to the bliss that other people live.
a writer's world can be shattered and rebuilt a hundred times over with details removed and added with a flick of our fingers and a change of palet. the gritty green of a grape in a italian wine grove can change into a coffee on a rainy day in a shop located in downtown new york with a single train of thought.
moods and colors, textures and life can be breathed into the harshest stories. even those surrounding death can paint the canvas with dark blue despair and white pain.
the most devine thing a writer can experience is when the line between our canvas and the grey of our own world blurs and the cavas and palet we've used to forge a world with becomes a part of our own in a slash of colors and feelings that never fade. the thrill of adventure we get while writing our characters, our silent friends, running across rooftops or fighting off their foes.
the feeling of immersion and importance it brings is almost addictive in the way it allures us across the line and our world flies by with the words we write or draw.
how devious are we that we could create our own masterpeices and be overtaken by them? it's a question left unanswered, because in the end, why would we care?
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Unstable Relationships
As a introvert, I sometimes get this feeling in the back of my head that tells me I don't need people, that I could make it fine by my own.
While that little voice does has some reason behind it, I tend to ignore it because in the end there's nothing worse then being so arrogant as to agree to that.
However, there are times when I do side with it more then usual. This usually happens when my bullshit meter starts clicking or when things are particularly sketchy with my friends/family. Or both, usually.
When that happens I usually start paying closer attention to people, how they interact with me, and how the general mood is. It's surprising how strange things get when you pay close attention to those things.
Sometimes I ask myself "is it me, or them? Have I done something wrong, or are things just not working between us?" It's a surprisingly odd question to ask yourself when it comes to fellow relationships with people.
However, like I said, I think of it alot. I don't like to consider myself picky when it comes to friends and family, but there are some things that make me question our relationship.
When it comes to relationships, the only way it'll function is if both parties are interested in the relationship. If not, then what's the point? Why keep going and make each other miserable? I've never understood why people have such a hard time doing this. If you don't enjoy the friendship, or even try to pretend you like it, when why keep it "official"? There's nothing wrong with parting ways with someone you don't like.
People confuse me in that way.
When it comes to relationships, sometimes it's easy to think you can do without them if times are tough. In reality, I think that pretty much everyone has to have at least one person to talk to. Thinking you can productively live otherwise is a bit of a long shot. Not impossible, no, but hard.
I lasted a year without any contact and that almost drove me up the wall. Of course, it was also my own version of monk mountain training while fighting bears under waterfalls... Not to mention the politics and culture I was learning about. That helped, of course. Distractions are the best treatment for loneliness.
"Is me me, or them?" A strange question, definitely. There are many different ways you could look at it.
If it is your fault, then why? What are you doing, and is it a response to something they've done, or your own personality?
If it's theirs, then what are they doing? Is it a response to something you've done or is it just them?
How well do you two work together, how many interests do you share, and how well do you function as friends? Do you talk a lot? Avoid each other? Do you have conflicting opinions? Personalities? The list goes on.
Of course there are always tough times during a friendship, but at some points you have to ask yourself, will this work? Do I want this?
Whatever the answer is, sometimes all you have to do is say what your feeling and don't dance around the subject. If things aren't working, then that's fine. You have to take your own path, even if it means leaving someone behind.
I've always had trouble making the right friends, or finding forms of companionship in general. Maybe it's because I've been in the same circle for awhile, but I don't know. In my experience, if you don't look in the right places, it can be very hard to find friends who share legitimate interests and mutually care about each other. To say the least, this is one of the things that led me to becoming a introvert and having trust issues in the first place.
Finding functional friendships is a difficult task, but I think it really pays off in the end. Some friendship don't even have to have mutual interests in them! For example, me and my cousin. We share absolutely no interests or hobbies, but at the moment she's the only person I can fall completely in sync with. We care about each other, and that's all it really takes!
- Laura.
While that little voice does has some reason behind it, I tend to ignore it because in the end there's nothing worse then being so arrogant as to agree to that.
However, there are times when I do side with it more then usual. This usually happens when my bullshit meter starts clicking or when things are particularly sketchy with my friends/family. Or both, usually.
When that happens I usually start paying closer attention to people, how they interact with me, and how the general mood is. It's surprising how strange things get when you pay close attention to those things.
Sometimes I ask myself "is it me, or them? Have I done something wrong, or are things just not working between us?" It's a surprisingly odd question to ask yourself when it comes to fellow relationships with people.
However, like I said, I think of it alot. I don't like to consider myself picky when it comes to friends and family, but there are some things that make me question our relationship.
When it comes to relationships, the only way it'll function is if both parties are interested in the relationship. If not, then what's the point? Why keep going and make each other miserable? I've never understood why people have such a hard time doing this. If you don't enjoy the friendship, or even try to pretend you like it, when why keep it "official"? There's nothing wrong with parting ways with someone you don't like.
People confuse me in that way.
When it comes to relationships, sometimes it's easy to think you can do without them if times are tough. In reality, I think that pretty much everyone has to have at least one person to talk to. Thinking you can productively live otherwise is a bit of a long shot. Not impossible, no, but hard.
I lasted a year without any contact and that almost drove me up the wall. Of course, it was also my own version of monk mountain training while fighting bears under waterfalls... Not to mention the politics and culture I was learning about. That helped, of course. Distractions are the best treatment for loneliness.
"Is me me, or them?" A strange question, definitely. There are many different ways you could look at it.
If it is your fault, then why? What are you doing, and is it a response to something they've done, or your own personality?
If it's theirs, then what are they doing? Is it a response to something you've done or is it just them?
How well do you two work together, how many interests do you share, and how well do you function as friends? Do you talk a lot? Avoid each other? Do you have conflicting opinions? Personalities? The list goes on.
Of course there are always tough times during a friendship, but at some points you have to ask yourself, will this work? Do I want this?
Whatever the answer is, sometimes all you have to do is say what your feeling and don't dance around the subject. If things aren't working, then that's fine. You have to take your own path, even if it means leaving someone behind.
I've always had trouble making the right friends, or finding forms of companionship in general. Maybe it's because I've been in the same circle for awhile, but I don't know. In my experience, if you don't look in the right places, it can be very hard to find friends who share legitimate interests and mutually care about each other. To say the least, this is one of the things that led me to becoming a introvert and having trust issues in the first place.
Finding functional friendships is a difficult task, but I think it really pays off in the end. Some friendship don't even have to have mutual interests in them! For example, me and my cousin. We share absolutely no interests or hobbies, but at the moment she's the only person I can fall completely in sync with. We care about each other, and that's all it really takes!
- Laura.
Bad Things (Negative Post, oh lord)
The elections are coming up soon. I'm scared. Honest to god, I am tearing up over it because I am so afraid of what might happen, what could happen, and how easily it could be done.
People talk about the bad in the world all the time. It's something parents mention, or half-mention, through most of your child hood. "It's a big world out there," they say. It's something the news focus' on, and newspapers and blogs. There's always enough material to go around.
I don't think a lot of people realize how bad it is, and can be. How bad things really are if you look close enough, not just economically, but morally. I really don't blame them for not trying too hard either.
I don't know in any way how bad things can be, how far they can go. But, I've caught glimpse. Peeked through windows that show how things really are on the outside, how disturbing, how distressing.
Things opened up for me, after a incident I had. It was a video.
It seemed harmless at first, and I was curious, so why not hit play? I saw the comments, knew something bad was going to happen, but I thought I could take it.
It horrified me. Not in a way that I was disgusted by it, or angry, but sad. I just didn't understand, couldn't comprehend, why something like that would happen. I didn't even know why I was crying at first, maybe it was for the guy in the video, or maybe it was because of what was happening to him. I don't know.
I saw a little bit of evil that day. Life suddenly became much more then anime and yaoi, smut and bands. There was a kind of sick appreciation for all the bad things you see on tv and how genuinely /fake/ it is.
I started getting into politics, LGBT rights, and the world in general. Things like that video started phasing me less, and changed from shock to disgust.
I've barely seen the surface of things, but I have a idea of how they look. That's why the elections scare me. Terrify me, actually. Because there's the question in the back on my mind asking "What if Obama isn't re-elected?"
What if? How much worse will things get if we have President Romney sitting on the throne?
Ever since I've gotten into politics, I can't ignore it anymore. Can't just say "that's it!" and stop paying attention. I can't just play the "I'm a kid" card and not think about any of this.
I'm aware, so why not worry about it? So what if I can't change anything, the least I can do is think about it now so I have experience later!
It's scary. I don't like it. Honestly, thinking about what's out there makes me want to curl into a ball and make sure I never bring a kid into this country unless I know it'll be safe. It makes things harder because I understand things better now and see the bad all the time.
Even in friends, family, strangers, whether they're aware of it or not, there's are the small judgements, almost-there insults, and even wrong sentences that could have so much effect if said to the wrong person. Just tiny mistakes that I know they don't mean, but the fact that we live in a place where those phantom-intentions could exist is troubling.
I don't like the world. I don't like the way it is, or how some of it functions. It scares me, makes me want to stay in my solitary haven of open-mindedness and ignore all the bad things out there. All the monsters under the bed. But you can't spend you life hiding.
So even though I know how bad it can get, and even though I've gotten to the point where a world confined to my hobbies seems like a ignorant nightmare, I'm still me. I'm a optimist. I have hope. I can still see the light in the world, the good.
And that's the silver lining.
People talk about the bad in the world all the time. It's something parents mention, or half-mention, through most of your child hood. "It's a big world out there," they say. It's something the news focus' on, and newspapers and blogs. There's always enough material to go around.
I don't think a lot of people realize how bad it is, and can be. How bad things really are if you look close enough, not just economically, but morally. I really don't blame them for not trying too hard either.
I don't know in any way how bad things can be, how far they can go. But, I've caught glimpse. Peeked through windows that show how things really are on the outside, how disturbing, how distressing.
Things opened up for me, after a incident I had. It was a video.
It seemed harmless at first, and I was curious, so why not hit play? I saw the comments, knew something bad was going to happen, but I thought I could take it.
It horrified me. Not in a way that I was disgusted by it, or angry, but sad. I just didn't understand, couldn't comprehend, why something like that would happen. I didn't even know why I was crying at first, maybe it was for the guy in the video, or maybe it was because of what was happening to him. I don't know.
I saw a little bit of evil that day. Life suddenly became much more then anime and yaoi, smut and bands. There was a kind of sick appreciation for all the bad things you see on tv and how genuinely /fake/ it is.
I started getting into politics, LGBT rights, and the world in general. Things like that video started phasing me less, and changed from shock to disgust.
I've barely seen the surface of things, but I have a idea of how they look. That's why the elections scare me. Terrify me, actually. Because there's the question in the back on my mind asking "What if Obama isn't re-elected?"
What if? How much worse will things get if we have President Romney sitting on the throne?
Ever since I've gotten into politics, I can't ignore it anymore. Can't just say "that's it!" and stop paying attention. I can't just play the "I'm a kid" card and not think about any of this.
I'm aware, so why not worry about it? So what if I can't change anything, the least I can do is think about it now so I have experience later!
It's scary. I don't like it. Honestly, thinking about what's out there makes me want to curl into a ball and make sure I never bring a kid into this country unless I know it'll be safe. It makes things harder because I understand things better now and see the bad all the time.
Even in friends, family, strangers, whether they're aware of it or not, there's are the small judgements, almost-there insults, and even wrong sentences that could have so much effect if said to the wrong person. Just tiny mistakes that I know they don't mean, but the fact that we live in a place where those phantom-intentions could exist is troubling.
I don't like the world. I don't like the way it is, or how some of it functions. It scares me, makes me want to stay in my solitary haven of open-mindedness and ignore all the bad things out there. All the monsters under the bed. But you can't spend you life hiding.
So even though I know how bad it can get, and even though I've gotten to the point where a world confined to my hobbies seems like a ignorant nightmare, I'm still me. I'm a optimist. I have hope. I can still see the light in the world, the good.
And that's the silver lining.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Self-Image
Strength is something that attracts me. Mentally, physically, and intellectually. Physical strength has always been important to me, since day one.
The ability to fight someone and pose a fair challenge, or to run faster then your friends or family and feel the ground pass underneath you is one of the best feelings.
It's a weirdly addicting thing.
To be strong, physically, has always been important to me because it adds a layer of comfort. To know that you can take care of yourself, and not be afraid to confront people, is empowering.
Kung Fu was nice for me because I got to hone my physical skill, and practice with other people. It was great and kept me in shape, but now that it's gone, and I haven't invested in other ways to stay fit that way. I've grown rusty.
I'm reasonably strong intellectually, and I've spent the last year strengthening myself culturally and politically. Mental strength is something I value more then physical muscle, and it will always be that way. But, I'm at the point right now where I not only need, but want, to train myself physically. Not because of the power or strength, but because of how I see my body.
I'm comfortable with my body. I don't hate it like I used to, but I'm not happy with it either. I know I'm too soft, too squishy, and even though I can throw a good punch, it's not my full potential. I want to be able to run longer then I can now, and I want to be able to take someone on physically if the time calls for it.
My ideal body type is iffy, but I know what I have in mind. The stocky/robust body type is what I want to aim for. Strong and muscled, but not necessarily skinny. I could care less how big my waist is, what I want out of the way is fat. Again, not to be skinny, but to replace it with muscle.
So I have a goal this summer. I want to get that body type, or at least start the journey towards it. I'll go running, take trips to the gym, and at least try to start eating regular meals. Even though I'm heavy now, it's not because I'm over-eating. It's because I eat small snacks here and there and never work the calories off.
I don't know when I'll start this plan, but I want to do it soon. There are definitely some steps that'll be hard to take, but I want to make the journey and get to my goal.
I've also thought about cutting my hair so it's shorter. It would definitely be easier to manage, but I'm nervous about cutting the hair I've been growing for so long. It's decision I'll eventually make, maybe when I achieve my bodily goal, but for now I'll leave it.
Anyway, that's all for now. Or maybe not, I don't know. I guess we'll have to see
-Laura.
The ability to fight someone and pose a fair challenge, or to run faster then your friends or family and feel the ground pass underneath you is one of the best feelings.
It's a weirdly addicting thing.
To be strong, physically, has always been important to me because it adds a layer of comfort. To know that you can take care of yourself, and not be afraid to confront people, is empowering.
Kung Fu was nice for me because I got to hone my physical skill, and practice with other people. It was great and kept me in shape, but now that it's gone, and I haven't invested in other ways to stay fit that way. I've grown rusty.
I'm reasonably strong intellectually, and I've spent the last year strengthening myself culturally and politically. Mental strength is something I value more then physical muscle, and it will always be that way. But, I'm at the point right now where I not only need, but want, to train myself physically. Not because of the power or strength, but because of how I see my body.
I'm comfortable with my body. I don't hate it like I used to, but I'm not happy with it either. I know I'm too soft, too squishy, and even though I can throw a good punch, it's not my full potential. I want to be able to run longer then I can now, and I want to be able to take someone on physically if the time calls for it.
My ideal body type is iffy, but I know what I have in mind. The stocky/robust body type is what I want to aim for. Strong and muscled, but not necessarily skinny. I could care less how big my waist is, what I want out of the way is fat. Again, not to be skinny, but to replace it with muscle.
So I have a goal this summer. I want to get that body type, or at least start the journey towards it. I'll go running, take trips to the gym, and at least try to start eating regular meals. Even though I'm heavy now, it's not because I'm over-eating. It's because I eat small snacks here and there and never work the calories off.
I don't know when I'll start this plan, but I want to do it soon. There are definitely some steps that'll be hard to take, but I want to make the journey and get to my goal.
I've also thought about cutting my hair so it's shorter. It would definitely be easier to manage, but I'm nervous about cutting the hair I've been growing for so long. It's decision I'll eventually make, maybe when I achieve my bodily goal, but for now I'll leave it.
Anyway, that's all for now. Or maybe not, I don't know. I guess we'll have to see
-Laura.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Five Stories
1. I confuse right and left a lot and usually forget which way is which. The way I figure it out is by twitching my right leg, and there's a story behind this!
When I used to do Kung Fu we'd regularly have to switch our leg positions to do our different Shaolin Power Fist sets or simple kick/punch movements. Whenever we'd have to switch legs our Master (now Grand-master! <3) would shout out "Right/Left leg back!", so whenever I forget right/left I move my right leg back as a reflex and remember.
Another small story is about our teacher, Master Kravets. Since the day I met him when I was 9 I've only ever called him that! He has a name of course, but even outside the dojo it always felt wrong to address him in any other way. His wife, who was also one of our teachers, we called Sifu! I've always addressed them as those names and even though I don't practice Kung Fu anymore (though I really would love to...) I still call them by those names, because as cheesy as it sounds, they're still my teachers and I will always respect them that way.
2. One time when I went to the dentist there was a male nurse/assistant who was taking my x-rays.
While we were walking to the rooms he asked me what my name was. I told him Laura and he asked if I liked my name. I told him no, and then he asked what I'd change it to if I could. I told him "I wouldn't change it." and then he asked why.
I didn't have time to catch myself and ended up answering "Because sometimes you just have to deal with things you don't like." He was surprised and even gasped a little, which made me blush a bit. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was sometimes along the lines of "That's very wise, more people should think like that."
I don't know why, but it really made me happy.
3. One of the times that I've felt close to peace was one night in December 2010. I was dating my best friend then, and she was having a sleep-over. The two of us sneaked outside and sat in my mom's meditation garden, looking at the stars and talking. I was wearing my new $50 coat and the two of us were struggling to sit on the chair together. She was really cold so we didn't get to stay out long, I remember really wanting to stay out there and watch the stars with her.
4. When I was with my girlfriend I was really touchy-feel-y and a general cuddler. We'd always be joined at the hip and talking each other's ears off until someone dragged us apart and whenever she'd sleep over we'd always be in the same bed (there was no way either of us would settle for the floor). Now, since I was a cuddler, we'd automatically spoon. I was always the big spoon and I'd always have to have my arms around her waist otherwise I couldn't sleep.
To this day, even though I don't see her anymore, I still have the habit. After doing for my whole childhood, I can't sleep unless I have my arms around a pillow or sleep in a position where my arms are doing something.
5. During one of the time when my cousin was visiting me my house, me and her decided to play with the candle I had in my room. We took popsicle sticks, matches, and scrap pieces of paper and fed it to the fire we started in a small tin can. After five or ten minutes, it got so big that it set the fire-detector off!
Now, my mom was sleeping, so we were both immediately scared that it was going to wake her up. The two of us yelled at each other to get water and I ended up running down the hall to our bathroom, cupping water from the faucet in my hands and running back to dump it on the pit we'd started.
The entire area of the dresser it was sitting on was scorched and I ended up having to make three trips in order to put it out. By then, my cousin had run out of the room and into my sisters.
My mom woke up, of course, and came to see what the problem was. My cousin strolled out of my sister's room and put on a surprised face while saying "What happened? :O" I ended up lying through my teeth and as soon as the alarm shut off me and my cousin wrestled then laughed it off.
When I used to do Kung Fu we'd regularly have to switch our leg positions to do our different Shaolin Power Fist sets or simple kick/punch movements. Whenever we'd have to switch legs our Master (now Grand-master! <3) would shout out "Right/Left leg back!", so whenever I forget right/left I move my right leg back as a reflex and remember.
Another small story is about our teacher, Master Kravets. Since the day I met him when I was 9 I've only ever called him that! He has a name of course, but even outside the dojo it always felt wrong to address him in any other way. His wife, who was also one of our teachers, we called Sifu! I've always addressed them as those names and even though I don't practice Kung Fu anymore (though I really would love to...) I still call them by those names, because as cheesy as it sounds, they're still my teachers and I will always respect them that way.
2. One time when I went to the dentist there was a male nurse/assistant who was taking my x-rays.
While we were walking to the rooms he asked me what my name was. I told him Laura and he asked if I liked my name. I told him no, and then he asked what I'd change it to if I could. I told him "I wouldn't change it." and then he asked why.
I didn't have time to catch myself and ended up answering "Because sometimes you just have to deal with things you don't like." He was surprised and even gasped a little, which made me blush a bit. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was sometimes along the lines of "That's very wise, more people should think like that."
I don't know why, but it really made me happy.
3. One of the times that I've felt close to peace was one night in December 2010. I was dating my best friend then, and she was having a sleep-over. The two of us sneaked outside and sat in my mom's meditation garden, looking at the stars and talking. I was wearing my new $50 coat and the two of us were struggling to sit on the chair together. She was really cold so we didn't get to stay out long, I remember really wanting to stay out there and watch the stars with her.
4. When I was with my girlfriend I was really touchy-feel-y and a general cuddler. We'd always be joined at the hip and talking each other's ears off until someone dragged us apart and whenever she'd sleep over we'd always be in the same bed (there was no way either of us would settle for the floor). Now, since I was a cuddler, we'd automatically spoon. I was always the big spoon and I'd always have to have my arms around her waist otherwise I couldn't sleep.
To this day, even though I don't see her anymore, I still have the habit. After doing for my whole childhood, I can't sleep unless I have my arms around a pillow or sleep in a position where my arms are doing something.
5. During one of the time when my cousin was visiting me my house, me and her decided to play with the candle I had in my room. We took popsicle sticks, matches, and scrap pieces of paper and fed it to the fire we started in a small tin can. After five or ten minutes, it got so big that it set the fire-detector off!
Now, my mom was sleeping, so we were both immediately scared that it was going to wake her up. The two of us yelled at each other to get water and I ended up running down the hall to our bathroom, cupping water from the faucet in my hands and running back to dump it on the pit we'd started.
The entire area of the dresser it was sitting on was scorched and I ended up having to make three trips in order to put it out. By then, my cousin had run out of the room and into my sisters.
My mom woke up, of course, and came to see what the problem was. My cousin strolled out of my sister's room and put on a surprised face while saying "What happened? :O" I ended up lying through my teeth and as soon as the alarm shut off me and my cousin wrestled then laughed it off.
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