A Whole New Blog

 So I just thought I'd give everyone a heads up and mention that I have another blog now! It a writing blog made specifically for an original story I'm working on called T.A.K.K.A. I'll be posting the chapters and different snippets of information there, so if you're interested, it's here!

 Anyway, if you have any questions about it, just leave a comment here or over there on the prologue.

 Hope you enjoy,

 Laura.

Internally Disorganized

 So I've decided to change my blog title! Fantasy/Reality has been fun, but it doesn't feel like an appropriate name for my blog anymore! 'Internally Disorganized' is what I've chosen for the new title.

 Now, when I say 'Internally Disorganized', I mean it in a good way. For as long as I can remember I've been an analyzer, almost a mental scribe as far as knowledge goes. I've always tried to figure every one out to the very core because it fascinated me. I even alienated my own friend for years! The thing is, I'll always do that at least on some level. It's just a part of my personality, y'know? Once I like something/someone, I always have to urge to find out everything about it/them. But I'm going to change my game.

 Instead of fixating on situations and people, I'm going to just go with it. Learn as I go along and find out things during the journey. I've always tried to have the upper hand in friendships, always tried to make sure I could hit back twice as hard if they hit first. Now, I'm going to try to do something I've never really tried before. Trusting my friends whole-heartily.  Instead of always trying to seem indifferent, I'll try to be open with them. It's something I've never really done before, but something I need to do.

 Analyzing aside, the whole 'Internally Disorganized' thing is also a good example of my mind and emotions.  Things always fly by so fast, I just never take the time to voice them or never take the time to really think about my feelings. Not only that, but add all of my stories and characters to the mix and you have one heck of a mess!

 So there's the new title explanation. Hope you enjoyed!

- Laura.

What does it Mean

I mean gosh. Ever ask yourself that? Sometimes you see something and the first thing that comes to mind is "is that for me?". It's like the most selfish thought ever but pretty much everyone thinks it at least once in their life.

And man. Life is so complicated, y'know? Everything is wrapped up in so many enigamas that sometimes you just have to realize that you'll never know the answer to your questions until it comes to you on it's own accord. Sometimes we just have to realize that the future is shrouded in mystery and the best thing we can do is keep moving forward until we reach that paradise.

But god. That path is so long and twisty that some people don't even want to finish the journey. It's like a big hill that you can't see over and keep hoping that you'll reach the top but every time you take a step it's like the hill just gets bigger and bigger. And really, no matter how hard you try to stay positive sometimes it's just too much easier to be angry and sad.

Like really.

And sometimes the answers to our questions are only a question away but we're too scared or shy to ask when really the answer to our question can be solved by asking for the ANSWER.

I swear to god this is what it's like inside my head you guys.

Baby Steps

 It's taken a year, probably even more so, but I think I've finally let go. I've finally let go of the girl I lost, the girl who I grew up with, the girl I was in love with, and the girl who's already moved on. I used to think that I still cared, and I did, but now, I think I've quite legitimately let go of her. Completely.

 All it took was one chance to look at her in the eyes and it was like a switch flipped. 

 I can move on. I can stop caring about something that I knew in my heart would never succeed, because I honestly let go. As rocky as the road will be from now on, I can go forward without any luggage on my shoulders. Nothing to hold me back but myself. 

 And it's scary. 

 By the end of this year, I'll be going to high school. I'll be seeing more people at once then I ever had before and I'll have to deal with my social anxiety. I'll have to face people I've never wanted to deal with and the truth is, I'll be going in alone. Not because I choose to, but because I am. I am alone, and I have been for the past year. 

 The thing is, during my time alone, I've been thinking. Thinking about a lot of things, and when you have that much time to think you realize that not everyone has had the time to think about the same things as you. You get to think and form opinions about things no one cares about but matter so much to you. 

 I'm scared. I don't want to go. I want to stay in my little cove and watch the world from a safe distance. I'm a  observer. I don't like to interact. Heck, I don't interact in general unless I'm forced to. I can't even make up my mind about friends. I want them, but I don't want to interact with lots of people. It's like I'm too picky for my own good. But being picky with friends is good, right? Maybe so, maybe not. At the end of the day I don't even know. 

 I have to take a moment to breath, because even though I'm panicking so much on the inside, I have to take a step back and calm myself down. It's going to be okay. I know it will be. Even if it isn't, I have to make the best of it. I have to remember the good things in life, the beautiful things, the hopeful things, the loving things. 

 As bad as some things may be, we should never overlook the fact that there will always be an opening at the end of the tunnel, and we'll never make it there unless we walk the journey.

- Laura

The Hunger Games (Summery?)

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.

 The Hunger Games is set in a future were North America has been completely wiped out as an effect of war. In the ruins of the dead civilization a new country rose, the shining nation of Panem. Surrounded by thirteen districts and armed with advanced technology, Panem is the envy of the world.

 Before the main story-line of The Hunger Games starts, we have to look back into Panem's past. Some time after the rise of Panem, the thirteen districts rebelled against the Capital, Panem's center and the source of all government and laws. The war was bloody, and at times the rebellion seemed like it was on the winning side, but in the end the Capital won and destroyed District 13 all-together.

 As punishment for the rebellion, the Capital started something called The Hunger Games; a deadly competition and fight to the death. Every year, each district must send one girl and one boy between the ages of twelve and eight teen to fight in the games. Only one comes back.

  The main story starts when tributes are being gathered for the 74th Annual Hunger Games. During this time we are introduced to the main character; Katniss Everdeen, a average sixteen year old girl left to take care of her sick mother and baby sister Prim. Because of the pressure that comes with taking care of a family, Katniss has matured beyond her years and is a strong level-headed girl with a good heart.

 Although she is from District 12 (the mining district) Katniss resorts to other means to bring home some money. Forced to hunt illegally in order to feed her family, Katniss has developed skills with a bow over the years and many other useful tricks. What food she and her family don't eat Katniss trades with merchants to bring some some extra cash.

 When District 12's time comes, the reaping begins. The reaping is the event where a District is forced to give two tributes to the games. The way this works is simple. During the reaping there are two glass balls, each filled to the brim with slips of paper, each with the names of candidates on them. One ball for boys, one for girls. At the age of twelve, a citizen of the district only has to put their name in once. At the age of thirteen, they have their name put in twice. Every year until they're 19, a persons eligibility goes up.

 During District twelve's reaping, Katniss Everdeen and her sister Prim wait to see if they live another year, and against all odds, it's twelve year old Prim's name that is drawn. To save her sister from certain death, Katniss volunteers to take her sister's place in the games.

 During the course of the games and journey to the Capitol, Katniss is shown the lives of the people she has despised her entire life and witnesses the vast differences between them and the starving people of her district.
 At times, it seemed like the best option for survival was to become exactly what the Capitol thought she, and all the other tributes were, toys. Not people, but pawns in a game meant only for the enjoyment of their superiors. But still, even in the darkest of situations Katniss held on to the one thing that the Games were meant to destroy, her humanity. Her love for her sister, mother, and even fellow tributes was the thing that guided her (and her fellow tribute) to victory.

 I think one of the things that The Hunger Games teaches is that when you are in a society that is constantly trying to change you, sometimes the best comeback is to be yourself. No matter how hard people might try to push you, standing firm is the best spit in the face.

Everything is o-k

 Emotionally, I've been a bit rocky lately. It's kind of hard to explain and I really don't think it would be a good thing for me to try to talk about it with a bunch of random people over the internet, but I think this part is okay.
So like I said, I've been a bit emotional lately, but it's getting better. It always does, but sometimes it doesn't always seem like that.

 The thing I have to remember is that things will always get better. Even if things get bad, and I mean bad, and even if you start to go down that road, there's always light at the end of the tunnel. It'll be okay, I promise. You just have to hold your head up and continue walking because why stop halfway through the journey?

 I'm still a bit shakey, but again, it's getting better. Honestly, it would probably be a bit easier if I talked to someone but I've always delt with this by myself, so why not continue for a little longer? I know how bad that sounds, and I know I should be talking to someone, but I think this is something I need to handle by myself. That being said, the time in-between is always the hardest.

 This has happened a couple times before, as far as I can remember it's only gotten really bad around 3 or 4 times. "This" referring to depression. There are other things that come in between too, most of the time just feeling criplingly lonely, and a panic attack. I've only had one of those though (recently), and it was pretty mild.

Ha, looking back on what I just read makes me realize how absolutely dramatic that sounds. Sorry.