Temper

 I like to think I have pretty good control over my tempter in general. Maybe not so much when it comes to the little day-to-day things, but when it comes to the bigger stuff, I like to think I keep myself composed fairly well.

 When it comes to family and friends, I usually have pre-selected things to say when I'm angry or feeling irritable with them. It's easy, and all I have to do is not say something that will spark a fight, as much as I want to. My temper will usually already be flaring, but people don't really notice. They probably just think I'm crabby or tired. This works for me. That way, I can still be angry, but they'll never know.

 This usually works out and things go along just fine, but sometimes it gets a bit harder then usual. Sometimes I'm literally seconds away from out-right calling them out and challenging them. If we're having a conversation and they say something particularly rude, ignorant, or cruel I have to take a second before answering because otherwise I'll tear them apart. It's disgusting, degrading, and shameful.

 Like I said before, I like to think I'm good with my temper. I've never lashed out seriously before, and if anyone thinks they've seen that part of me, they are sorely wrong. As nice or decent as I can be sometimes, it will never compare. Never. It doesn't matter how long I've known a person, because if we get into a serious fight, and I don't hold back, I will have something to say. And it won't be nice.

 Lately it's been a bit harder then usual to hold back. Nothing has slipped, but I'm still dancing around the edge here. I don't know what is causing it, but all that anger is seeping out again.

 Except, I don't think it's anger. I think it's tolerance. I honestly think I'm running out of tolerance for all the shit that I've had to put up with.

 I'm getting tired of catering to my friends and family. Especially with my friends! All I've ever done is cater them! Of course we have fun times, that's a given, but when it comes to the serious stuff? I never say anything. I never take the chance to voice my opinion because they always take it as a personal attack. It doesn't matter if they're hurting, insulting, or just being plain rude because apparently I'm the jerk. 


 For the love of god, if one of them insults me one more time about being different, mean, or not understanding enough, I swear to god I will tear them apart. And especially when it comes to being pansexual. Every. single. one. has insulted me, and the entire LGBT community once. Every one but my old girlfriend. Then they turn around and say they like yaoi and "wish they had a gay best friend" and oh my god. Please stop.

 Please.

 Like I said before, I don't think it's anger. I think it's tolerance. I'm okay with that, because I know I can't change my friends and there's no point in getting fussed up over it. I still am, but it'll pass. I'll get ahold of it and everything will go back to normal.

- Laura.

Abortion

 Abortion. A reasonably popular topic. Lots of people for it, lots of people against it. I, of course, already have my opinion on it and thought I'd share.

 As you probably guessed, I'm pro-choice. Pro-choice meaning, if a woman/girl wishes to abort the fetus, I fully support them. There are a couple of reasons why I support this, but in the end it just comes to my own moral decency.

 Now, if you're pro-life, meaning you do not support abortions, then that probably offended you. Maybe. If so, well, I'd be lying if I said I was sorry. Personally, I think you're the scum of the earth. That being said, I understand that it is your opinion. It's okay not to agree with someone, to have different opinions, etc -but what I absolutely despise about most people with conflicting opinions is that they will do whatever it takes to shove their opinion down your throat. It's fine if you're pro-life, but if you are, please keep it to yourself and let the rest of female society live their life.

 Now that the general insults are done, let's get on with it.

 The base reasons I support abortion are:

1. Fetus' are removed at a stage where the supposed "baby" is only a small clump of cells. The fetus cannot think, feel, or exhibit any other traits associated with conscious life. It is, as stated before, a clump of cells. Even at times when the fetus may be more developed I still fully support the decision to abort it. A lot of people don't understand that when abortions are done, the 'baby' isn't the thing you see being held by mothers.

2. Some people say that if a woman has sex, she is responsible for the child that comes with it. Excuse me, but who told your entitled ass that something like that was acceptable? It doesn't matter if she's "responsible", if a woman doesn't want a child, she DOES NOT have to have it. End of story.

 Forcing a woman to have a child and cutting off all means of safely taking care of the problem is almost the same as pregnancy rape.  Forcing them to have a child they may not even be medically able to birth, may not be able to take care of financially, or simply don't want, is wrong.

3. No man, woman, group or government should have the right to control a woman body.

 Of course there are more, but these are the my main reasons. If you have your own, or would like to discuss,  feel free to leave a comment. For now, this is all I have to say on the matter, and I may continue this later. At the moment though, this post is over.

- Laura.

Flippancy + Update

 Hey! It's been awhile since I've updated, and there's no reason in particular other then the fact that I really haven't had anything worth-while to tell. I've just been keeping to myself lately. Not a bad thing, in fact, some very nice things have happened lately!

 I've been enjoying things a lot more then I used to, and I've become a big fan of Supernatural. The story and characters are so interesting and complex, I just really enjoying viewing them. I've started to get a bit bored of the Homestuck fandom, which is sad, but it's not nearly as interesting. Other then new shows & fandoms, I can't really say much is different as far as my enjoyment goes. Well, minus my friends, of course.

 Things are better for me emotionally then they have been for a long time. For the first time in gods know when, I've actually started laying my stuff down on the table a lot more then I used to. I can't say it's the easiest process in the world, but hey, a little progress is better then nothing. Still, there's still that feeling of impending doom looming over my head. Not nearly as bad as it was before, it's just simple anxiety and general twitchy-ness. I feel tired a lot and just want to be as frivolous as I can without getting in trouble.

 As far as what's causing the anxiety, well, I can pin it down to two things, neither of which I can change. I'm weirdly at peace with that, so I doubt this mood will last long.

 Anyway, moving on from my usual blather.

 I think I'll post a opinion rant or something soon. I don't know. Raging about my opinions can be nice, especially when I have to sort it into functional words and sentences. Or maybe not. I don't know, it really depends on if I can single anything out, y'know? If anyone has a suggestion or wants my opinion on something specific, don't be shy. Again, nothing note-worthy has come up, so I have nothing better to do.

 - Laura.

A Whole New Blog

 So I just thought I'd give everyone a heads up and mention that I have another blog now! It a writing blog made specifically for an original story I'm working on called T.A.K.K.A. I'll be posting the chapters and different snippets of information there, so if you're interested, it's here!

 Anyway, if you have any questions about it, just leave a comment here or over there on the prologue.

 Hope you enjoy,

 Laura.

Internally Disorganized

 So I've decided to change my blog title! Fantasy/Reality has been fun, but it doesn't feel like an appropriate name for my blog anymore! 'Internally Disorganized' is what I've chosen for the new title.

 Now, when I say 'Internally Disorganized', I mean it in a good way. For as long as I can remember I've been an analyzer, almost a mental scribe as far as knowledge goes. I've always tried to figure every one out to the very core because it fascinated me. I even alienated my own friend for years! The thing is, I'll always do that at least on some level. It's just a part of my personality, y'know? Once I like something/someone, I always have to urge to find out everything about it/them. But I'm going to change my game.

 Instead of fixating on situations and people, I'm going to just go with it. Learn as I go along and find out things during the journey. I've always tried to have the upper hand in friendships, always tried to make sure I could hit back twice as hard if they hit first. Now, I'm going to try to do something I've never really tried before. Trusting my friends whole-heartily.  Instead of always trying to seem indifferent, I'll try to be open with them. It's something I've never really done before, but something I need to do.

 Analyzing aside, the whole 'Internally Disorganized' thing is also a good example of my mind and emotions.  Things always fly by so fast, I just never take the time to voice them or never take the time to really think about my feelings. Not only that, but add all of my stories and characters to the mix and you have one heck of a mess!

 So there's the new title explanation. Hope you enjoyed!

- Laura.

What does it Mean

I mean gosh. Ever ask yourself that? Sometimes you see something and the first thing that comes to mind is "is that for me?". It's like the most selfish thought ever but pretty much everyone thinks it at least once in their life.

And man. Life is so complicated, y'know? Everything is wrapped up in so many enigamas that sometimes you just have to realize that you'll never know the answer to your questions until it comes to you on it's own accord. Sometimes we just have to realize that the future is shrouded in mystery and the best thing we can do is keep moving forward until we reach that paradise.

But god. That path is so long and twisty that some people don't even want to finish the journey. It's like a big hill that you can't see over and keep hoping that you'll reach the top but every time you take a step it's like the hill just gets bigger and bigger. And really, no matter how hard you try to stay positive sometimes it's just too much easier to be angry and sad.

Like really.

And sometimes the answers to our questions are only a question away but we're too scared or shy to ask when really the answer to our question can be solved by asking for the ANSWER.

I swear to god this is what it's like inside my head you guys.