A Whole New Blog

 So I just thought I'd give everyone a heads up and mention that I have another blog now! It a writing blog made specifically for an original story I'm working on called T.A.K.K.A. I'll be posting the chapters and different snippets of information there, so if you're interested, it's here!

 Anyway, if you have any questions about it, just leave a comment here or over there on the prologue.

 Hope you enjoy,

 Laura.

Internally Disorganized

 So I've decided to change my blog title! Fantasy/Reality has been fun, but it doesn't feel like an appropriate name for my blog anymore! 'Internally Disorganized' is what I've chosen for the new title.

 Now, when I say 'Internally Disorganized', I mean it in a good way. For as long as I can remember I've been an analyzer, almost a mental scribe as far as knowledge goes. I've always tried to figure every one out to the very core because it fascinated me. I even alienated my own friend for years! The thing is, I'll always do that at least on some level. It's just a part of my personality, y'know? Once I like something/someone, I always have to urge to find out everything about it/them. But I'm going to change my game.

 Instead of fixating on situations and people, I'm going to just go with it. Learn as I go along and find out things during the journey. I've always tried to have the upper hand in friendships, always tried to make sure I could hit back twice as hard if they hit first. Now, I'm going to try to do something I've never really tried before. Trusting my friends whole-heartily.  Instead of always trying to seem indifferent, I'll try to be open with them. It's something I've never really done before, but something I need to do.

 Analyzing aside, the whole 'Internally Disorganized' thing is also a good example of my mind and emotions.  Things always fly by so fast, I just never take the time to voice them or never take the time to really think about my feelings. Not only that, but add all of my stories and characters to the mix and you have one heck of a mess!

 So there's the new title explanation. Hope you enjoyed!

- Laura.

What does it Mean

I mean gosh. Ever ask yourself that? Sometimes you see something and the first thing that comes to mind is "is that for me?". It's like the most selfish thought ever but pretty much everyone thinks it at least once in their life.

And man. Life is so complicated, y'know? Everything is wrapped up in so many enigamas that sometimes you just have to realize that you'll never know the answer to your questions until it comes to you on it's own accord. Sometimes we just have to realize that the future is shrouded in mystery and the best thing we can do is keep moving forward until we reach that paradise.

But god. That path is so long and twisty that some people don't even want to finish the journey. It's like a big hill that you can't see over and keep hoping that you'll reach the top but every time you take a step it's like the hill just gets bigger and bigger. And really, no matter how hard you try to stay positive sometimes it's just too much easier to be angry and sad.

Like really.

And sometimes the answers to our questions are only a question away but we're too scared or shy to ask when really the answer to our question can be solved by asking for the ANSWER.

I swear to god this is what it's like inside my head you guys.

Baby Steps

 It's taken a year, probably even more so, but I think I've finally let go. I've finally let go of the girl I lost, the girl who I grew up with, the girl I was in love with, and the girl who's already moved on. I used to think that I still cared, and I did, but now, I think I've quite legitimately let go of her. Completely.

 All it took was one chance to look at her in the eyes and it was like a switch flipped. 

 I can move on. I can stop caring about something that I knew in my heart would never succeed, because I honestly let go. As rocky as the road will be from now on, I can go forward without any luggage on my shoulders. Nothing to hold me back but myself. 

 And it's scary. 

 By the end of this year, I'll be going to high school. I'll be seeing more people at once then I ever had before and I'll have to deal with my social anxiety. I'll have to face people I've never wanted to deal with and the truth is, I'll be going in alone. Not because I choose to, but because I am. I am alone, and I have been for the past year. 

 The thing is, during my time alone, I've been thinking. Thinking about a lot of things, and when you have that much time to think you realize that not everyone has had the time to think about the same things as you. You get to think and form opinions about things no one cares about but matter so much to you. 

 I'm scared. I don't want to go. I want to stay in my little cove and watch the world from a safe distance. I'm a  observer. I don't like to interact. Heck, I don't interact in general unless I'm forced to. I can't even make up my mind about friends. I want them, but I don't want to interact with lots of people. It's like I'm too picky for my own good. But being picky with friends is good, right? Maybe so, maybe not. At the end of the day I don't even know. 

 I have to take a moment to breath, because even though I'm panicking so much on the inside, I have to take a step back and calm myself down. It's going to be okay. I know it will be. Even if it isn't, I have to make the best of it. I have to remember the good things in life, the beautiful things, the hopeful things, the loving things. 

 As bad as some things may be, we should never overlook the fact that there will always be an opening at the end of the tunnel, and we'll never make it there unless we walk the journey.

- Laura