Baby Steps

 It's taken a year, probably even more so, but I think I've finally let go. I've finally let go of the girl I lost, the girl who I grew up with, the girl I was in love with, and the girl who's already moved on. I used to think that I still cared, and I did, but now, I think I've quite legitimately let go of her. Completely.

 All it took was one chance to look at her in the eyes and it was like a switch flipped. 

 I can move on. I can stop caring about something that I knew in my heart would never succeed, because I honestly let go. As rocky as the road will be from now on, I can go forward without any luggage on my shoulders. Nothing to hold me back but myself. 

 And it's scary. 

 By the end of this year, I'll be going to high school. I'll be seeing more people at once then I ever had before and I'll have to deal with my social anxiety. I'll have to face people I've never wanted to deal with and the truth is, I'll be going in alone. Not because I choose to, but because I am. I am alone, and I have been for the past year. 

 The thing is, during my time alone, I've been thinking. Thinking about a lot of things, and when you have that much time to think you realize that not everyone has had the time to think about the same things as you. You get to think and form opinions about things no one cares about but matter so much to you. 

 I'm scared. I don't want to go. I want to stay in my little cove and watch the world from a safe distance. I'm a  observer. I don't like to interact. Heck, I don't interact in general unless I'm forced to. I can't even make up my mind about friends. I want them, but I don't want to interact with lots of people. It's like I'm too picky for my own good. But being picky with friends is good, right? Maybe so, maybe not. At the end of the day I don't even know. 

 I have to take a moment to breath, because even though I'm panicking so much on the inside, I have to take a step back and calm myself down. It's going to be okay. I know it will be. Even if it isn't, I have to make the best of it. I have to remember the good things in life, the beautiful things, the hopeful things, the loving things. 

 As bad as some things may be, we should never overlook the fact that there will always be an opening at the end of the tunnel, and we'll never make it there unless we walk the journey.

- Laura