Ahhh, so it's finally rodeo weekend and it's so nice to finally have a break. Especially cause I get to go hiking and filming + a mall trip with my friend. A three-day school week isn't too bad either, omg. Oh the downside, next monday I have my Reading/Writing AIMS. My honors teacher seemed pretty confident about me doing well, but I'm still p nervous. I want to get a 6 and possibly get a scholarship, and to do that I really have to get creative with the essay.
Other than that, I wanted to kind of make this a mental health update. I don't know how everything's going really, it's been pretty wonky lately. My anger issues have been picking up, but in a way its reasonable because there have been a lot of stupid crossing into my life. So, lots o anger/irritation. I've also been wanting to be alone a lot more lately? Like, I have my group of friends that I love, and my best friend who I adore, but some other ones are just killing me cause we're too different.
It's nice though because I've been making new friends, but right now I really just want May to be here so I can get out of this state. The wait is killing me, and I really want to get out to NY and DC.
My anxiety has been down a lot lately, and I think I'm on the verge of being a lot more confident. Last night I was reading some stuff and it made me realize that I have one life, and what's life without a few regrets? I think finding a channel to plug my frustration into would be healthy. There's football and wrestling at my highschool (for everyone) and I've been thinking about wrestling for a really long time. That, or maybe running. Just something I can vent through without thinking much. I think I can do it, and if not through sports, painting. Since last year I've been getting more and more into it, and I think I'm finally going to start doing canvas work this month.
This has been an update;
Ciao!
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Queer Dancing Baby
First month of 2014 and things have been pretty interesting! I spent New Years at the mall with friends and ended the day by breaking my toe on our living room couch (I literally stubbed my toe so hard I broke it what the heckie). I got some new stuff for my room including a really nice Game of Thrones poster and some new clothes/jewelry.
There's been a lotta drama at school, especially centered around my group of friends. They all have this ridiculous three-way friendship going on with each other and it's gotten pretty confusing. Other than that, school itself has gotten really stressful. I got my certificate for Semester 1 Honor Roll, which I'm really proud of, and an invitation to join the National Honors Society. NHS is stressing me out because of the tough entry requirements but it is something I'd really like to be a part of... Ug. The third thing is our school Newspaper. My English teacher asked me to join and do articles, but it involves talking to strangers and being really outgoing. I can already see the panic attacks on the horizon, and I can't refuse because I'm such a people pleaser and I will hate myself if I say no. On the bright side, at least it will look good on my resume,,,
The best event though was last night!!! Last night my school had our Winter Formal (a dance) and I went with my friend and we had a blast. It went from 8pm-11pm and I was ecstatic. I got a new dress and tights for it and ended up looking pretty cute! The dress was probably the shortest thing I've ever worn, but the tights made it work. Plus the high waistline made my chest look good (something petty I tend to stress over omg). The heels I had were killer tho, and after the first hour my feet were dying. The music was so fun too, and they played things like Gundam Style and Gaspedal (which was so fun to dance to I stg). For the slow-dance they even played one of my favorite songs - "Don't wanna miss a Thing" - and I danced with my friend to it.
It was also really nice because the Friday before I'd spent the night at my other friends house. The next morning we went to an event for our Culinary club and helped make the food.
But I think the thing I'm looking forward to most is tomorrow, which is when I may get questions about slow-dancing with my friend during the romantic songs. We know it was platonic, but it might've sent some red flags to them cause they have no idea I'm not straight. I guess it would be nice tho to come out without having to actually to say so.
If they ask what my sexuality is, it's gonna be confusing. I know 100% that I'm not straight because I have literally never identified as such and the idea is crazy to me. Over the years I've ID'd as pansexual, but now I'm not sure. It doesn't sit quite right with me anymore and I'm not sure why. Lately I've just been saying "Queer" cause it's easier than saying "Girls are always good - no matter what - and so is everyone else on the gender binary, but boys are hit or miss." Like, I see boys that I'm legit attracted to and would date, but it's so rare. Basically, Queer is how I roll, and I guess that's what I'll say. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and find other Queer girls.
There's been a lotta drama at school, especially centered around my group of friends. They all have this ridiculous three-way friendship going on with each other and it's gotten pretty confusing. Other than that, school itself has gotten really stressful. I got my certificate for Semester 1 Honor Roll, which I'm really proud of, and an invitation to join the National Honors Society. NHS is stressing me out because of the tough entry requirements but it is something I'd really like to be a part of... Ug. The third thing is our school Newspaper. My English teacher asked me to join and do articles, but it involves talking to strangers and being really outgoing. I can already see the panic attacks on the horizon, and I can't refuse because I'm such a people pleaser and I will hate myself if I say no. On the bright side, at least it will look good on my resume,,,
The best event though was last night!!! Last night my school had our Winter Formal (a dance) and I went with my friend and we had a blast. It went from 8pm-11pm and I was ecstatic. I got a new dress and tights for it and ended up looking pretty cute! The dress was probably the shortest thing I've ever worn, but the tights made it work. Plus the high waistline made my chest look good (something petty I tend to stress over omg). The heels I had were killer tho, and after the first hour my feet were dying. The music was so fun too, and they played things like Gundam Style and Gaspedal (which was so fun to dance to I stg). For the slow-dance they even played one of my favorite songs - "Don't wanna miss a Thing" - and I danced with my friend to it.
It was also really nice because the Friday before I'd spent the night at my other friends house. The next morning we went to an event for our Culinary club and helped make the food.
But I think the thing I'm looking forward to most is tomorrow, which is when I may get questions about slow-dancing with my friend during the romantic songs. We know it was platonic, but it might've sent some red flags to them cause they have no idea I'm not straight. I guess it would be nice tho to come out without having to actually to say so.
If they ask what my sexuality is, it's gonna be confusing. I know 100% that I'm not straight because I have literally never identified as such and the idea is crazy to me. Over the years I've ID'd as pansexual, but now I'm not sure. It doesn't sit quite right with me anymore and I'm not sure why. Lately I've just been saying "Queer" cause it's easier than saying "Girls are always good - no matter what - and so is everyone else on the gender binary, but boys are hit or miss." Like, I see boys that I'm legit attracted to and would date, but it's so rare. Basically, Queer is how I roll, and I guess that's what I'll say. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and find other Queer girls.
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