Honestly I don't feel like typing right now. I just want to go to bed and try to start the day and not feel the way my torso is feeling right now. Which is nothing. Literally, i don't feel anything right now other then my dear old friend called Isolation.
Tomorrow I'm going to help my mom get settled into her new apartment/house. I don't even know. I really honestly don't know how I feel about it and the only thing that's going through my head in big bright bold lettering is "ALONE". And god fucking dammit I swear to god I don't need that right now.
I don't want to be conscious. Not because I'm angry or sad but because I literally can't seem to assign a feeling to this situation. I don't know how I feel and it's toture and the only thing I want to do is go to bed because there is no point in being concious right now.
It was okay earlier and I was fine but now it's just weird and I really hate it and everything has seemed so ridiculous lately and I just want everything to STOP for ONE SECOND and let me ajust before launching another canon-ball at me.
It's going to be okay, I know that, but it's not and I just want everyone to be happy but at the same time I don't want to lose my mom even if it's only during the nighttime because then we don't get to do any of the things we used to do like watch bad tvs shows in the iddle of the night and she won't be here to catch me while I'm up late at night or tell me to do the dishes or do my homework and any of the other things.
i just don't know how to deal with this because I don't need to vent or anything because I'm not angry. I'm just upset a but at the same time I'm not sad either? I just want to be distracted but all of a sudden everything looks different and I'm realizing that she's not going to live with us anymore and even though she'll be here durin the day she won't be here when I go to bed, or when I leave for school in the morning and she won't be here and she won't be able to talk to be or notice when I'm sad because she'ls going to be gone and I don't want to handle it.
i just don't want to be ablone. i hate being alone and how am I going to get by if I only see my mom during the day and everything is falling apart and I just won't do anything useful because I honestly don't see the point anymore? when i get up in the morning there isn't any reason why and at this point I'm just sca i'm not even scared i'm just god it's just terrible and I don't know what to do becasue there's technically no problem?
i just don't know and honestly i just want to go to sleep right now so bye
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