I've been wondering how that'll effect me in the fall when I go to high school. I'd like to think that I'll be able to talk as much as I want, especially with all the people around, but I have a feeling that people there aren't exactly interested in talking about the things I talk about. It's sad, especially because I know for a fact that no average kid my age would ever share the same interests.
Sexuality and school is another thing I've been thinking about. I honestly don't know how people would react to meeting someone pansexual and if they'd treat them negatively. But, it's not that I've been worried about. Honestly, I've been more worried about people salting me down to being bisexual, which is the most uncomfortable word in the world for me. I hate it, and to tag that on a pansexual is wrong. In my opinion. I know most pan people don't mind, but the idea really bothers me.
I like to think I'll be able to slip into my new life a bit more gracefully since I won't be the only new kid, but I'm still a bit worried. Still paranoid. It's frustrating because I can't really talk to anyone about my issues with school without them making too many assumptions.
Being home-schooled, well, I don't know what to say about it. No opinion really, but I hate two things about home-schoolers.
1) When they think they're better then people who go to school. I swear to god, the whole "the world is your classroom and a actual classroom is just a cage blah blah" thing is the most frustrating thing in the world and those are the home-schoolers that give us the good name. The whole "holier-then-thou" routine is simply disgusting. I could go on about it forever.
2) The home-schoolers who don't do anything. Literally, I will go on the record and say that parents who 'home-school' their kids but don't make them do any actual work should have their kids taken away from them. I don't care how much they 'learn' without lessons, it's wrong and you're letting them grow up ignorant and lazy. Education is just as important as food and water, and the home-schoolers that do this are literally the worst of our kind.
I just, bleh. I really hate it. I really do, and this is one of the things I feel so strongly about and I just hate it when I see situations like that. It's not just the parent's fault, sometimes it's the kids too, and when they have a combination of the two things mentioned above I just can't take it anymore. Luckily, I've managed to stay away from those categories, and I'm glad for that.
There are just so many things going on right now but so few, and the only thing I'm looking forward to is high school, and what little future it might give me. I get so wound up, so paranoid, and so angry about education that when I actually get out there and taste what the public gets then maybe I can appreciate myself a little more.
There are things about school I'm afraid of. Not bullies, poor lessons, or anything like that. It's the people I'm worried about. Not what they'll do to me, no, I'm afraid of becoming like the ones I've seen so far. I don't want to become like that, to loose everything I've build up. It's still shaky and I just have this feeling that once I go there everything I've learned the past few months will start to seem insignificant and I'll forget it all.
Perpetually screaming, that's me, only with the exception of it being mental. But I'm not complaining, there's no point in that. Sometimes you just have to roll with it, have a good laugh, and let it all go. In the end, that's all you really can do.
-Laura.
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