The elections are coming up soon. I'm scared. Honest to god, I am tearing up over it because I am so afraid of what might happen, what could happen, and how easily it could be done.
People talk about the bad in the world all the time. It's something parents mention, or half-mention, through most of your child hood. "It's a big world out there," they say. It's something the news focus' on, and newspapers and blogs. There's always enough material to go around.
I don't think a lot of people realize how bad it is, and can be. How bad things really are if you look close enough, not just economically, but morally. I really don't blame them for not trying too hard either.
I don't know in any way how bad things can be, how far they can go. But, I've caught glimpse. Peeked through windows that show how things really are on the outside, how disturbing, how distressing.
Things opened up for me, after a incident I had. It was a video.
It seemed harmless at first, and I was curious, so why not hit play? I saw the comments, knew something bad was going to happen, but I thought I could take it.
It horrified me. Not in a way that I was disgusted by it, or angry, but sad. I just didn't understand, couldn't comprehend, why something like that would happen. I didn't even know why I was crying at first, maybe it was for the guy in the video, or maybe it was because of what was happening to him. I don't know.
I saw a little bit of evil that day. Life suddenly became much more then anime and yaoi, smut and bands. There was a kind of sick appreciation for all the bad things you see on tv and how genuinely /fake/ it is.
I started getting into politics, LGBT rights, and the world in general. Things like that video started phasing me less, and changed from shock to disgust.
I've barely seen the surface of things, but I have a idea of how they look. That's why the elections scare me. Terrify me, actually. Because there's the question in the back on my mind asking "What if Obama isn't re-elected?"
What if? How much worse will things get if we have President Romney sitting on the throne?
Ever since I've gotten into politics, I can't ignore it anymore. Can't just say "that's it!" and stop paying attention. I can't just play the "I'm a kid" card and not think about any of this.
I'm aware, so why not worry about it? So what if I can't change anything, the least I can do is think about it now so I have experience later!
It's scary. I don't like it. Honestly, thinking about what's out there makes me want to curl into a ball and make sure I never bring a kid into this country unless I know it'll be safe. It makes things harder because I understand things better now and see the bad all the time.
Even in friends, family, strangers, whether they're aware of it or not, there's are the small judgements, almost-there insults, and even wrong sentences that could have so much effect if said to the wrong person. Just tiny mistakes that I know they don't mean, but the fact that we live in a place where those phantom-intentions could exist is troubling.
I don't like the world. I don't like the way it is, or how some of it functions. It scares me, makes me want to stay in my solitary haven of open-mindedness and ignore all the bad things out there. All the monsters under the bed. But you can't spend you life hiding.
So even though I know how bad it can get, and even though I've gotten to the point where a world confined to my hobbies seems like a ignorant nightmare, I'm still me. I'm a optimist. I have hope. I can still see the light in the world, the good.
And that's the silver lining.
No comments:
Post a Comment