Temper

 I like to think I have pretty good control over my tempter in general. Maybe not so much when it comes to the little day-to-day things, but when it comes to the bigger stuff, I like to think I keep myself composed fairly well.

 When it comes to family and friends, I usually have pre-selected things to say when I'm angry or feeling irritable with them. It's easy, and all I have to do is not say something that will spark a fight, as much as I want to. My temper will usually already be flaring, but people don't really notice. They probably just think I'm crabby or tired. This works for me. That way, I can still be angry, but they'll never know.

 This usually works out and things go along just fine, but sometimes it gets a bit harder then usual. Sometimes I'm literally seconds away from out-right calling them out and challenging them. If we're having a conversation and they say something particularly rude, ignorant, or cruel I have to take a second before answering because otherwise I'll tear them apart. It's disgusting, degrading, and shameful.

 Like I said before, I like to think I'm good with my temper. I've never lashed out seriously before, and if anyone thinks they've seen that part of me, they are sorely wrong. As nice or decent as I can be sometimes, it will never compare. Never. It doesn't matter how long I've known a person, because if we get into a serious fight, and I don't hold back, I will have something to say. And it won't be nice.

 Lately it's been a bit harder then usual to hold back. Nothing has slipped, but I'm still dancing around the edge here. I don't know what is causing it, but all that anger is seeping out again.

 Except, I don't think it's anger. I think it's tolerance. I honestly think I'm running out of tolerance for all the shit that I've had to put up with.

 I'm getting tired of catering to my friends and family. Especially with my friends! All I've ever done is cater them! Of course we have fun times, that's a given, but when it comes to the serious stuff? I never say anything. I never take the chance to voice my opinion because they always take it as a personal attack. It doesn't matter if they're hurting, insulting, or just being plain rude because apparently I'm the jerk. 


 For the love of god, if one of them insults me one more time about being different, mean, or not understanding enough, I swear to god I will tear them apart. And especially when it comes to being pansexual. Every. single. one. has insulted me, and the entire LGBT community once. Every one but my old girlfriend. Then they turn around and say they like yaoi and "wish they had a gay best friend" and oh my god. Please stop.

 Please.

 Like I said before, I don't think it's anger. I think it's tolerance. I'm okay with that, because I know I can't change my friends and there's no point in getting fussed up over it. I still am, but it'll pass. I'll get ahold of it and everything will go back to normal.

- Laura.