Self-Image

 Strength is something that attracts me. Mentally, physically, and intellectually. Physical strength has always been important to me, since day one.

 The ability to fight someone and pose a fair challenge, or to run faster then your friends or family and feel the ground pass underneath you is one of the best feelings.

 It's a weirdly addicting thing.

 To be strong, physically, has always been important to me because it adds a layer of comfort. To know that you can take care of yourself, and not be afraid to confront people, is empowering.

 Kung Fu was nice for me because I got to hone my physical skill, and practice with other people. It was great and kept me in shape, but now that it's gone, and I haven't invested in other ways to stay fit that way. I've grown rusty.

 I'm reasonably strong intellectually, and I've spent the last year strengthening myself culturally and politically. Mental strength is something I value more then physical muscle, and it will always be that way. But, I'm at the point right now where I not only need, but want, to train myself physically. Not because of the power or strength, but because of how I see my body.

 I'm comfortable with my body. I don't hate it like I used to, but I'm not happy with it either. I know I'm too soft, too squishy, and even though I can throw a good punch, it's not my full potential. I want to be able to run longer then I can now, and I want to be able to take someone on physically if the time calls for it.

 My ideal body type is iffy, but I know what I have in mind. The stocky/robust body type is what I want to aim for. Strong and muscled, but not necessarily skinny. I could care less how big my waist is, what I want out of the way is fat. Again, not to be skinny, but to replace it with muscle.

 So I have a goal this summer. I want to get that body type, or at least start the journey towards it. I'll go running, take trips to the gym, and at least try to start eating regular meals. Even though I'm heavy now, it's not because I'm over-eating. It's because I eat small snacks here and there and never work the calories off.

 I don't know when I'll start this plan, but I want to do it soon. There are definitely some steps that'll be hard to take, but I want to make the journey and get to my goal.

 I've also thought about cutting my hair so it's shorter. It would definitely be easier to manage, but I'm nervous about cutting the hair I've been growing for so long. It's decision I'll eventually make, maybe when I achieve my bodily goal, but for now I'll leave it.

 Anyway, that's all for now. Or maybe not, I don't know. I guess we'll have to see

 -Laura.